Dont Know What To Title It . . .

I haven't posted anything for while. I guess I just haven't had anything important to talk about, but now I do.

Tonight, my mom and I got into a pretty big fight over, what I think, is something pretty freaking pointless; I got a 2 out of 5 on my outline for Psychology. Her whole argument was that i should have put more effort into it and that I should have written more. My argument was that I didn't know that I was supposed to write more because my teacher hadn't told what was supposed to be in the outline, just that she was mainly looking at the thesis and if she wanted us to change anything she would tell us. Throughout the whole argument she kept repeating the same phrase over and over . . . "You should have written more! You should have put more effort in!" Eventually, after i had exhausted every reason for why I hadn't, and she continued saying her "repeated phrase", I just went crazy and screamed "I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT SHE WANTED!" and i got up and left the table and started heading up stairs while she was still saying more stuff. I ended it with "Screw you!" and went into my room. I tried to do my homework, but couldn't, so I said "f this! I'm going for a run."

I went for a short run around my block until I came back to my house. I just sat in the driveway, thinking about stuff. I watched the clouds glide over the moon. I saw how even though everything else was covered by clouds, the moon's light was shining through and I could see the moon perfectly. I said that once all the clouds passed over the moon, I would go inside. I begun thinking about my life, and about the lives of others.

How right now, my life, and the lives are others, are so insignificant. I mean, think about the entire world, and all the people in it, how insignificant 1 or 2 of those people are (or outlines for psychology). Only a small percentage of the people in this world can actually say they've done something great, made an impact on the world, left their mark. I want to be one of those people. I look at my neighbors, and the people around me, and I see what they've done with their lives, and I wonder if I would feel fulfilled living that life. Yeah you have a nice house, a nice car, and wife and kids, but are you fulfilled. If you died right now, how would you feel looking back at your life?

I'm not the smartest kid in my class. My grades are fine, but they're not exceptional like some of the people around me. I'm not going to get a 2300 on the SAT's, but if i had or did these things, what would I do with them? Go to a good college. Graduate at the top of my class and score a job in a huge corporation. Earn a good salary, enough to retire at age 55. Live the rest of my life in a retirement home. But would I be fulfilled with all that? No. I would've done nothing to make my life different. We only get one chance at life. I want to take adavantage of that chance and make my life better than any life lived before it.